I've heard on TV that being over weight is being called a disease. I believe it. Having self discipline is NOT easy for a fat person! That's part of the disease, I can't get over how unbelievably hard it is to eat just a "little" or just "one" - I went to Walmart holding true to my convictions that I wouldn't buy junk, my husband wanted chocolate! That's like asking a drug addict to pass up the drug that's being handed to them!! He said "surprise me" I'm standing there, big fat me, looking at all the chocolate just knowing people are thinking as they walk by me "of all things she doesn't need that!" I am embarrassed just standing there trying to figure out what to get him to surprise him! Finally I decide on something and then I'm thinking what can I get me that is good for me, that doesn't have a lot of calories and I won't feel guilty about getting....I picked up two things.....a box of 100 calories thingies and Popsicles. Not bad huh?
IN THE CAR I break out a bag of 100 calorie cheese its!! I can't even wait until I get home!! Once home, I have 'ONE MORE BAG" and I say to myself, you can do this, now no more. I have one more again. So now I've had 3 - 100 calories bags of something. I'm thinking, this is where the disease comes in - okay okay, that's only 300 calories, you aren't doing bad, now NO more! I'm good....for supper I fix turkey hamburgers, they aren't big at all, I fixed two for each of us. I slap mine on two pieces of wheat bread with mustard and that's all I have for dinner. I drank more water then I have been and I'm good ..... until 8:30pm....oh gosh, those damn bags of 100 calories are in the kitchen screaming my name!! I try to fight it, but they are screaming so loud I had to do something to shut them up...so I had ONE more....now I feel like a failure. I tell myself not to eat after 7 at night and I broke my own rule....
I also decided that I won't be getting on the scales for a month - I could become a fanatic about scales but thought I would be better off checking it in a month. So far its not hard to stay off of them, I don't want to see that big number! I'm hoping to lose anywhere from 4 to 8 pounds in a month. That seems so slow to me, one or two pounds a week but I've heard that's the way to do it. Honestly I can put that much one in a day why is it better to take it off in a month?!?! Don't answer that, I know the answer....I just hate the answer. I wish there was a magic pill that you take everyday to take this weight off....gosh I hate that its so hard.
I wish I was more like my husband (btw he told me NOT to compare myself to him!) he gets up EVERYDAY to go and work out on weights, rarely does he miss a day. He's been doing this for 4-5 years now. I wish I liked to work out, that's what I mean I wish I was more like him. I HATE exercising, funny thing is, when I do I always feel better about myself, its just getting dressed, getting in the car and driving my sorry behind down to the gym and getting on the treadmill and walking for 20 - 30 mins that's a drudgery for me. Silly isn't it? It doesn't sound hard to do but man can I come up for the excuses for doing it!! Literally EVERYDAY I pray and ask Heavenly Father NOT to let me have a heart attack or stroke - then I think, if I was like Trent and worked out everyday then that's a prayer I wouldn't be saying. I CAN change it so why don't I?
Enough for one day...thanks for reading...
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