I haven't wrote on here in a while because I was scared to admit I was failing. I thought what was the sense of writing about weight loss when I wasn't doing it. I was just going along day to day eating what I wanted hoping like hell I wasn't gaining, afraid to get on the scale to find out. Then I get a call from my husband who was reading my blog and wanted to know why I hadn't wrote in a while. I told him I felt like a hypocrite, how could I write about losing weight when I was failing miserably? He said this was for my own peace of mind and to help me mentally. I guess if no one reads this then its okay, its more for my benefit and to see my highs and my lows and how I cope.
I sat here 3 mornings ago at the kitchen table bawling my eyes out. I am so ashamed of what I look like, absolutely ashamed...so ashamed and embarrassed of how I look that I won't even see a friend of mine that I haven't seen in forever. I guess she is coming here to where I live and wants to see me, I haven't even answered her message. Anyway, I sat at the table bawling my eyes out, praying asking Heavenly Father to give me peace if I'm going to get this weight off, or at least a lot of it this year. I said a few more things, ended my prayer and then immediately stopped crying and was in a much better mood! I guess that was my answer. I was going to get a lot off. I know I have to do my part and when I do, then he'll do his. I literally battle each day NOT to over eat and to eat the right things or at least have portion control on the things that aren't what I should have.
Last night my husband wanted Chinese, I went and got fried rice and chicken on a stick! I didn't take much rice, thought the chicken would be better for me, so I ate it, all of it. Then I drank a ton of water and took my pills for the night. I immediately got ill. I was in the bathroom trying to throw up. I had so much water in me, it literally made me ill.
Right now I am NOT a weight loss success story, I am a woman trying hard to lose weight, there are days I win the battle and there are days I don't. I'll try not to be so ashamed of failing and write anyway, it won't be easy but I will try.
