Exercising is not fun for me. Although I have to admit I always feel better when I'm done. Yesterday I decided to get back into the gym, I only walked 15 mins (I am so out of shape) when I was done I had a bounce in my step, I was in a good mood, I was helping my heart out, I was GOOD!!
I am hoping and I literally pray that I will come to love exercising. My problem, out side of being lazy is I hate to sweat! I hate the heat, I hate summer, I whine a lot when I'm hot. When I was walking on the treadmill, I kept wiping my face down, remembering what my husband said to me, sweating is good it means you are moving and doing good for your body. I know he's right but it doesn't make me like it any better.
What motivated me to get back into the gym was a couple things. When I am in the shower I am out of breathe, when I vacuum I am out of breathe, when I MOVE I am out of breathe. THIS IS STUPID!! I don't want to be out of breathe anymore. Also, when I watch TV and I see all these girls with their little flat stomachs I am envious. I look down and see one that hangs down and I am discussed.
I don't remember what I was watching the other day but this lady said to another "when you look into a mirror LOVE your body and tell yourself you are beautiful" OH GIVE ME A BREAK.....when I look into the mirror I want to gag! There isn't one part of me that I love, as far as my body goes that is. Me as a person, I am awesome! But the body part of me is gross. Okay be prepared I am about to get very honest and detailed, its not for the faint of heart....
When I look into the mirror (naked) I see a stomach that hangs to the top of my legs, I see a butt, that as my mother says, has a shelf on it, I see big arms and legs that are huge. I see breast that no longer resemble breast, they look more like sacks hanging on my chest!! There is no part of that picture that is beautiful. When I lose this weight I will need plastic surgery in a bad way.
Another reason I want to lose weight is to get off the medication and C-pap I am on. I hate sleeping with that thing on my face. I thank God for it though because it keeps me alive. I want to be able to take a shower with my husband one day. We have been married 20 1/2 years and NEVER in that time have we taken a shower together. I refuse to let him see me naked. Would you want to see someone who looks like I do naked? Yea that's what I thought and trust me he doesn't either. He is not the kind of man who thinks rolls and more rolls on a woman is sexy. He isn't mean about it at all. He has never said one ugly word to me about my weight except that he wishes I took better care of myself, heck I do too!!
So now you know why I want/need to get into the gym and do cardio to start before I do weights. I was going to post a picture of what I look like now on here and I couldn't find one. I am always behind the camera, I try never to be in front of it. I guess I succeeded.
Later....
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