I hate that its so hard....

Yesterday I was like a mad woman, I wanted to eat "something" "anything" so bad.  I was desperate enough to eat a hard taco shell!  That's because I have NO junk in my house, for that very reason.  Those cravings were awful.  All my resolve went down the drain.

I had a ton of phone calls to make, I had to reapply for unemployment.  I'm good for another 15-20 weeks.  I need to find a job, part time anyway.  I need to be around people. I sit in this house day after day with no one to talk to.  My husband comes home and he eats then jumps on his PS3 and plays with the guys until 9pm, he watches TV for an hour and then goes to bed.  One Fridays he stays on it until 1-2am.   Now mind you, he will get off if I need something and on Fridays he reserves 6 to 9 pm for me, but still 95% of the time I am alone.  I wonder if that's why I eat or another reason why I eat.

I wish I could figure it out what is going on in my brain that makes me like this.  I saw an Oprah show one time where she said you need to figure out what is your reason for staying like this before you can lose.  I wonder if that's true.

I like everyone else has things that have happened in their past.  I had a father who had depression problems, 2 failed marriages, kids who got into trouble (but are wonderful now as adults), you know just the  "normal" crap that happens in life.  But there must be something in there that wasn't so normal for me that started me on this road of eating and eating.  I didn't get like this until in my late 20's early 30's.  I wonder if I should start there in my life and see what was going on.  I will have to give that some though...

Here's how desperate I was yesterday on eating:

breakfast: bowl of shredded wheat and 2 piece of toast
lunch: 2 little red potatoes fried in olive oil and 2 eggs mixed with them
afternoon snack: 2 Popsicles and a taco shell!
dinner: steak and peas and carrots
evening snack: small bag of m&m's, 4 squares of my husbands chocolate bar he gave me, (I didn't ask for it) and some more steak!!  Steak for a snack?!?! oh gees....

So during the day it doesn't look so bad but evening I went to hell in a hand bag!!  I always go stupid in the evening.  Part of that is because I'm not making anymore hair bows, I have a ton of them and no one is buying them.  I have a website that no one is visiting and no one is buying anything of mine at the consignment shop either. So why make more?  Since I'm not making them, then I'm doing nothing, just sitting and eating.  Gotta get to work on my genealogy classes, that should help.

Until next time....